A week’s worth of crap in 6 hours

Today has not gone well for me.  First of all, I left my iPhone at Raven’s house the other night and consequently, had to use David’s Alarm Clock of Anxiety, which I’m pretty sure uses the same ringtone that they used to signal the impending explosion of The Hatch on LOST.  I’m used to waking to the meditative peal of distant churchbells. 

By the time I arrived at work this morning, my nerves were just beginning to de-frazzle when, what’s this? a tiny winged insect was crawling up my office wall.  No big deal, I thought, I’m fairly rugged, I deluded.  I squashed the bug and continued on with my morning email runthrough.  Once finished, I began my midmorning Stare Vacantly at the Wall session, when, Hello!, two more bugs were making their way past my midwall southwestern themed wallpaper border!  Uhoh.  Since I work in a fairly rural area, my coworkers were not nearly as alarmed by this intrusion of Nature.  They handed me the Ant and Roach spray (although I’m pretty sure my unwelcome visitors are neither ants nor roaches) and I sprayed along the perimeters of my small office.  You can imagine the odor that this produced. 

Red faced and gasping for fresh air, I sought comfort in my blogs, but my computer, sensing the panic all round, lost its freaking mind.  “Attention: DANGER!  26 critical system objects detected!” “Stealth Intrusion!  Infection detected in the background!” “Your computer is now being attacked by spyware and rogue software!”  If this is, in fact, my actual antivirus software giving me these hysterical warnings, I think the writers would do well to use less spammy phrases.  So, I run a scan. Nothing.  I install updates and restart.  Nothing.  Shoot.  So, I act like nothing is wrong and try to get on the internet.  No dice. 

So I shut it down and went to lunch for a little respite.  Unfortunately, who decides to sit next to me but two freakin hipsters who want to ponder Important Questions like, “Why don’t we talk about Important Stuff anymore?”, while rubbing their ironic stubble. 

Back at the office, the bugs remain, the warning windows remain, the IT guy is nowhere to be found, and the office manager has promised she will call Terminix (WHEN????).  So I took my soy chai and my purse and moved to another office, where I will remain until the bug/virus situation is under control. 

Who knows what terrors await me this afternoon?  Maybe I should cut my losses and go home to bed.

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